I was recently attacked on a Facebook group I run with allegations that stem from an episode in my life that happened soon after I moved to the Philippines almost 10 years ago. There is enough to this story to right a book and it would be an amazing thriller / drama that includes things worthy of a Jerry Spinger show.
I will share aspects of this story because there is a lot that can be passed on from my experience that might help others who encounter online trolls and cyber stalkers.
I met a girl that enrolled in one of the classes in my Dance and Fitness studio I opened on Mactan Island in Cebu, Philippines. I really liked the girl and one thing led to another and we had a baby together. I put her into an apartment and fully furnished it even including a computer with Internet connection.
I introduced another Australian to my girlfriend. I did not realise that he was a psychopath and his main game was destroying relationships. He would attempt to seduce those he fancied and just sabotage the relationships of others he didn’t.
He was also a Shabu (I am told this is a dirty Filipino version of Crystal Meth) addict. At the time I was pretty ignorant about shabu and drugs in general. He started to secretly see my girl friend and eventually moved in with her.
The attitude of my girl friend started to change. She became paranoid. They were playing games with my life and I did not suspect a thing. I tried to reason with my girl friend that had engaged an attorney to claim support for the child. I was already supporting her and the child but she was being nasty and I just could not understand her why. She asked for 50 thousand a month, which I agreed to, but this did not stop the abuse and harassment.
I visited less and less as it was always unpleasant. She had started to keep her bedroom door closed and would not let me in. On one visit I pretended to leave and then came back a minute later and caught her by surprise. The Australian guy had been hiding in the bedroom.
After this there was a lot of mudslinging the forums at the time (popular expat hangout before Facebook groups). This caught the attention of a guy called Evan Iliadis. He published a scathing attack on me on his website which he claimed was dedicated to exposing corruption among expats in Rotary in the Philippines.
At first I considered that the guy was misguided and might even have some legitimate grievance about Rotary in Bohol. I thought he had just neglected to get both sides of the story and attempted to explain my side of the story. I was just unaccustomed to dealing with what I now understand is a sociopathic cyber stalker. The more I tried to explain things the more he twisted them and added incredible lies to them. I assumed the lies were being fed by the Australian guy but now believe that most of them were coming from this guys own sick mind. Most were auto-biographical in that they are about things from his life and things he was interested in
I was one of Evan Iliadis’s first targets outside of his gripe with other Rotary members in Bohol. He later expanded his attacks to all expats in general but trying to assume some high moral ground. He created the Sexpats Wall of Shame. Since then there have been dozens of other targets and any intelligent person looking at his websites will quickly conclude he is just a nut case.
I created websites and pages (most removed now) to refute all the allegations he made but this just fuelled the fire. The more I responded the more rubbish he would create. Maybe I was a bit slow. I learnt that the best way to deal with troll and cyber stalkers is to ignore them. Refuse to engage or as the saying goes don’t feed a troll.
I have actually written a book about this. The book is not about Evan and does not really mention details of my own experience with him. Its about helping people deal with Cyber Bullying / Stalking.
I suspect that my Cyber Stalker might see this as an opportunity for re-engagement but he will be disappointed.